Loving Myself this Valentine’s Day

Loving Myself this Valentines Day

Today at our Weight Watcher meeting, we talked about loving yourself on Valentines Day.  Putting yourself first – taking the time to care for yourself instead of caring for others.  And this is what I needed to hear this week before Valentines Day.

I’ve talked before about how I have trouble applying the first principle, Inherent Worth and Dignity of Every Person, to myself and seeing that I have my own inherent worth and dignity.  And that doesn’t even broach the whole loving myself.  Heck, sometimes I don’t even like myself, much less love myself.

But so far this year, I’ve been doing better.  Every time it gets to this time of year, I get pretty down.  Seventeen years ago my dad died, and yah, safe to assume, it was a rather traumatic time for a 10 year old.  I don’t know if its just effects of that which drag me down in February, the post-resolution-breaking blues, or the whole being single on Valentines Day.  Maybe its some big combination of all of the above, or something that’s not even on my mind right now.

But this year, I’m not feeling that.  I’ve stuck to my resolutions.  Well, I don’t call it that.  It’s the start of my new life.  And its been going well.  Lost 16 pounds so far on Weight Watchers – hitting my goal 2 pounds a week for every week but one (although it averages out to more than 2 a week.)  My apartment is nice and clean and organized, I’ve been getting my art on, and eating uber healthy, and I just feel better than I have in a long time.

And this Sunday, I’m going to focus on loving myself.  I’m going declare the whole day My Day, and after church, I’m going to do whatever I want…that shows I do love myself.  I need to work on loving my body and treating my body with the respect it deserves.  I need to keep on working out and eating healthy.  So this Sunday, I’m definitely going to hit the gym another day.  I might watch some movies.  I might veg out in front of the Tivo.  I might right, I might paint.  I might declutter some more.  Who knows?  But I am going to love myself this Valentines Day.

I’ll be showing my love to other people, of course, with requisite family phone calls, leading the youth group at church, and Friday I’ll be writing love on my arms (more on this Friday.  If you can’t wait, google writing love on her arms.)  But Sunday, it’s all about loving myself.

Lessons learned this weekend

This was a weird weekend it seemed.  I had two days off in a row, which just doesn’t happen at my job unless I take a vacation day normally.  So it was nice.  But yesterday there were just a lot of lessons that bubbled up unexpectedly.

a) The universe has a sense of irony.  I was rooting hard for the colts, and they lost.  But, I won the superbowl pool at the party I went to.  Sure, it wasn’t a lot of money, but it was ironic that my team lost but I won.

b) I’m now OK with not having a purpose in life.  This caused me a lot of pain a couple of years ago, when I couldn’t identify my passions or really having a purpose in life.  But we talked about this during the youth group sunday, and I’ve realized that I’m OK with this now.  I’ve accepted it, and have decided to focus on living life rather than having a purpose-driven life.

c) Another diet myth broken.  I thought it was  a myth that eating junk food can make you feel bad.  But sure enough, I’ve been eating uber-healthy the past month, all fresh food.  At the Superbowl party, I had some junk food like potato chips and about an hour later I felt terrible.  So, although I might not lose weight tomorrow at my weight watcher meeting, I have a feeling that I’ve learned a much more important lesson as a result.  I have no desire to eat junk food again.

d) And finally, this is probably the biggest.  I was watching the show Hoarders on A&E.  And it completely freaked me out.  There’s a couple of reasons this freaked me out.  1) My grandma who died last year could have totally been on this show.  She was a classic hoarder from what I remember, and 2) That could be me.  Well, not right now as my apartment is probably the cleanest it’s ever been, but I am usually a disorganized mess with trash everywhere with just a pathway to get from the bed to the door.  I’ve been very good about keeping a neat apartment the past month, getting inspiration from FLYLady.  But I know if I become lax, slack off about it, there’s the end picture.  And its terrifying.  I was literally scared watching that show, and it upset me more than watching something on TV ought to.  But I also know I need to watch it.  I need to see what life will be like if I don’t change.  And its scary.    And I kinda want to leave work and go clean some more…

“To remind me that I should love everybody.”

So I bought a tie from the standing on the side of love campaign: its white with a black standing on the side of love heart logo on the bottom.  I wasn’t all that sure I was going to wear a white tie a whole heck of a lot, but it goes *perfect* with this purple shirt I have that has white stitching.  Perfect.  So I’ve been wearing it around once a week.

Fashionably, its been a huge hit.  I mean, every time I wear it I get at least two “great tie” type of comments.  But today something else popped up.

I was teaching these kids here from Korea for a two month long study abroad program, and the littest girl there asked me about my tie.  And then said it was a heart.  Then asked, “why do you have a heart on your tie.”

And without thinking, I replied, “To remind me that I should love everybody.”

Wait.  What?!?  Where did that come from?  I just blurted it out without even thinking.  Some sort of Freudian slip straight from my subconscious.

She was satisfied with my answer, but I just kinda stood there for a minute thinking I really like that answer.  Do I, like, believe that?

I had to table the thoughts to get back to teaching, but on the way home I started thinking about it again.  I had the old Coca Cola Hilltop ad playing (“I’d like to buy the world a home…”) on my iPod partly to get ready for class tomorrow (It’s Coke Day in anticipation of going to the World of Coke Saturday) and partly because, well, I just like the song.  And on the back of my car, on my bumper? A Standing on the Side of Love bumper sticker.  And I thought about it.  And thought about it

Not only am I proud I had that initial thought, I actually do believe it.  And that is going to be my standard response to compliments about that tie from now on.

But next time, I think I’ll add on to it just a little.  “To remind me that I should love everybody for who they are.”

State of my Union – February 2010

Well, it’s a month into my new life program.  Time for a monthly recap – the state of my union.  This post is pretty much just for me, but if you want to read, feel free.

Be Stylish:

1) Look like a stripper – Lost 13.8 pounds so far this year – my goal is 2 pounds a week.  I’ve done a pretty good job working out – two weeks ago I wasn’t all that good, but this past week was great.  I’m happy with progress here.

2) Dress Fashionably – I’ve been keeping up with the weekly new clothes buying.  Need to get something for this week though.  I’ve gotten two new pair of shoes, nice pink dress shirt, and way too expensive tie.  So, a check here, with shopping needing to be done this Saturday.  Happy with progress here.

3) Live fashionably – My apartment is quite clean.  I’ve only got a few areas left to do a massive declutter on, mainly the outside storage unit.  I’ve gotten rid of my dilapidated desk, given away 2 bags of old clothes and 50 books.  Gave way two barstools a lamp I didn’t use, an old vacuum that still worked.  I don’t think my apartment has been this clean since I moved in.  Still work to do, and most importantly, I’m getting over the thought that I just need to clean once in a while – I’m starting to see that it is a continual process.  Extremely happy with progress here.

4) Decorate fashionably – I haven’t done much on this one.  I need to get some frames for some of the art pieces I’ve done.  So, no progress here.

Be Art:

1) Writing – I wanted to write something every day.  That…hasn’t happened.  I’ve been averaging 3-4 times a week.  Not happy with progress here.

2) Art – I’ve realized its hard for me to do this one a weekly schedule.  I’ll get to the time I’ve blocked in my schedule to do this, and not have any inspiration.  I have gotten 4 done though.  I need to find a better collage glue, and get more canvas.  I’m statisfied with progress here.

Be Wealthy:

Well, I have not done good enough on savings.  I’ve been buying nicer things for the apartment, and, well, loaning money to my parents.  So, need to do better on this.  At least 1,000 dollars of my tax refund is going into the bank as soon as it arrives.  Not satisfied with progress here.

Be Active:

1) Socially Active – I put on a 2012 date to do this, but I’ve been out once a week so far. So, satisfied with progress here.

2) Physically Active – I’ve hit the gym the three times a week, except for two weeks ago.  I’m satisfied wth my progress here.

3) Politically Active – big fat no progress here.  Which I am content with, since I resigned from politics.  So, no progress here but I’m ok with that.

4) Spiritually Active – done great on this.  Have hit the blogging, the volunteering weekly and attending church every week. I need to get doing some spiritual reading though.  I’m happy with progress here.

All in all, I’m happy with my progress so far.  It was a good first month.  Keep going strong!

Waking up to sad news – Rest in Peace Howard Zinn

Waking up to sad news this morning.  Howard Zinn, author of Peoples History of the US, passed away over night.  The first time I ever heard of Zinn was when I was in college at this week long anti-globalization training held by Oxfam America, called the CHANGE Program.  People were adding books to a must read list, and this was brought up.  As I had started becoming a history buff, I remembered it, bought a coy when I got back to Atlanta, and was hooked immediately.  I’ve got two copies of it somewhere, and a copy of his Declarations of Independence book as well.  It really opened my eyes – not everything I was taught was necessarily true, everything has a different point of view depending on your frame of reference….just….it was one of the things that led me to whom I am today.

So, you are in my thoughts Zinn family.  He will always be remembered.

Breaking news?!? Are you KIDDING ME CNN!?!?!?!?!?

Ok, this is a little much even for me.  I don’t have any particular beefs with the evil consumerist culture, but I hit my “you’ve got to be kidding me” level at 2:16pm, eastern standard time.

I was following along the hype over the new Apple tablet today, following along on the cnet liveblog.  I have an iPod touch.   I have a MacBook.  I’m pretty much all Appled up at this point, so I thought it would be interesting to see what this bruhaha is all about.

Good god all mighty.  People, it’s not the second coming.  It’s not going to change your life, make it better, make it any less sad than it is now.  I checked out twitter, and 9 out of the 10 trending topics were about this iPad (and what a terrible, terrible name) and the #iPad had about 3000 new tweets every minute I left it up.  I was ok with all of this.

What caused me to hit my limit?  Checking my blackberry (yes, blackberry instead of a iPhone – I like the raised keyboard) I saw I had gotten a breaking news email alert from CNN.  What did it say?

“Apple announced new device sized between laptop and smartphone to be called an iPad.”

HOW IS THIS BREAKING NEWS??!!?!?!?  I let out a very loud, “Oh COME ON!” right in the middle of my office, drawing an inquisitive look from my boss.

It is not breaking news that a company releases a new product.  It’s not.  It is just not.

Sure, I might even get one of these some day (probably not a first generation one though) and I like all the apple stuff I have.  But come ON!  Breaking news?  You have got to be kidding me.

Breaking News: Germany attempts to ban Golden Crosses

Berlin, Germany.

Today, the German Government announced that a 32 member commission has recommended a partial ban on wearing golden crosses in government offices and for those seeking public aide.

The ban on the golden crosses would apply in public places like hospitals and schools, and on public transport, a German parliamentary commission announced.

It would also apply to anyone who attempts to receive public services, but it would not apply to people wearing the crosses on the street, the commission said.

The commission stopped short of recommending a full ban because not all of the 32 commission members could agree on it.

They will now recommend that Parliament pass a resolution on the partial ban. Such a resolution, if passed, would not make the wearing of a golden cross illegal, but it would give public officials support when asking people to remove it.

Imagine if you saw this story on CNN.  Imagine the global outrage at such an act.  Legislation would be introduced in Congress to change the name of German Bratwurst to Freedom Bratwurst.  So, where’s the outrage on this – France wanting to ban the burqa.

France gives some unsurprising reasons for it.  People who want the ban say that the burqa is a tool to oppress women and that women are forced into it.  Well – Isn’t it also oppression for the government to dictate not only what you can wear but also what they consider acceptable faith garments?

Quoting from the CNN piece,

Those who advocate the ban say women are often forced to wear full veils by the men around them — husbands, fathers or brothers — and that it is a sign of subjugation.

However, women who actually wear the veils deny that.

So, should the government impose their beliefs on women, or actually listen to what said women say?  Which is the greater oppression here?

Some say the outfits could be used by extremists to hide weapons – well, so could a nun’s outfit.  Don’t see them rushing to ban that.  I bet you could disguise that stuff through a wide variety of means.  I don’t think the 9/11 hijackers were wearing burqas at the time.

France is out of line on this one.

Everyday Spirituality: Karaoke

This week in YRUU, I led the kiddos in a discussion about Everyday Spirituality.  How to look at any common, everyday activity, and see spiritual depth to it.  I’ve done this before about DDR (Dance Dance Revolution).  We have such a brainy faith, that we often forget to Lisez moins, vivez plus (Read less, Live more.)  We don’t see how we can actually apply our faith in our everyday life.  So, to start with, I had each kiddo write on the top of a piece of paper an everyday event.  I picked Karaoke.  Then they had to thin of some lessons they can learn from the activity.  Let me tell you, I never cease to be inspired by the depth of my youth.

But, I think I’ll start up a new little category here.  I need to do this more often.  To take the time and see what those everyday things show me about life, so I can train myself to be able to see spiritual depth anywhere.

So without further ado, here’s some of what Karaoke can teach you about life.

• You can’t be afraid to make a fool out of yourself.  A lot of people just don’t want to sing karaoke because they are afraid of looking foolish in front of friends or complete strangers.  A lot of people just don’t live life to its fullest for the same reason, which leads me to
• It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks as long as you have fun and don’t hurt anyone else. Ok, originally I didn’t add the last part to it, but the more I think about it I ought to have that in there – I’ve been to karaoke where people shrieked into the microphone, killing my ear drums.  But, it doesn’t matter what people think about you, your singing, as long as you have fun.  Who cares what others think about you?
• You have to sing your own song.  It’s not as fun if you sing something you don’t want to sing.  Likewise in life, you have to live our own life, not what others tell you to do.
• Some people want to go alone, some people want a lot of friends with them.  Just like in life, there are people who just want to live life alone, to be alone, and there are some that need a lot of friends with them to gather up the courage to do it.  Either way is just as acceptable – to each their own.
• Practice makes perfect. Just like anything else in life, the more you do it, the better you become at it, and the more you enjoy doing it.

More scattered thoughts on Anti-Racism – I just don’t get it.

A good long while ago, I put up a post about some thoughts I had about anti-racism.  This has, once again, been brought to the forefront of mind.  And I just don’t get it.  It was the subject of last week’s sermon at UUCA, [which I missed due to leading youth group]

I just don’t get the need for it, the need for it to be one of the most important things we look at as a denomination.  I would love for someone to leave comments with why this is so important, because honestly I just don’t get it.

I’m going through the different readings on this Anti-Racism UUA curriculum and haven’t been all that impressed so far.  For example, this quote from Developing a Positive White Identity:  “We need to create spaces (often times called caucuses) where those of us who are white can go deep to confront our issues of internalized superiority as white people.”  What the heck?  What internalized superiority as white people?  I’m white.  I’ve never thought of someone else as inferior because of their race.

I’m not going to lie, part of that even offends me, because its assuming the worst in me because I’m white.  Here’s an interesting thought that bubbled up – Is this anti-racist material, well, racist?  It’s making the assumption that because I’m white, I’ve obviously got some sort of inner racist to me that just want to escape and wear a white hood.  The stuff I’ve read so far on that site, to me, seems like its all theory – nothing on there seems just, well, grounded in my reality.

Now, there are a few reasons popping into my head over this:

a) Maybe its a generational thing.  I’m on the leading edge of Generation Y.  Could this be some sort of generational thing, with older generations needing some sort of anti-racist kick in the pants?

b) Maybe its where I live.  I live in Atlanta.  We’re not an all, or mostly, white area, despite our church being disproportionately white.

c) Maybe its where I work – I’m one of the highest ranking white folk at my job – everyone else is Asian, bosses are Korean and Thai.

d) Maybe its that I just see bigger areas inside Unitarian Universalism that need to be addressed – I think the biggest ism being practice by UUs is ageism.  Youth and young adults are mightily marginalized.

Whatever the reason is, there’s clearly some thing in me that just doesn’t get the point of it all.  Maybe I’ve moved to that whole post-racial period.  I just don’t think of skin color as a meaningful characteristic about anybody.  I see it in terms of culture – its in Korean culture to like food that, to me, sounds disgusting (like shrimp chips, aka, shrimp flavored Cheetos.)  It doesn’t have anything to do with the color of their skin.  Race, to me, just isn’t some sort of defining characteristic.  If I ask someone who PersonA is, and they say that PersonA is black, all I think of it a physical description – I still don’t yet know who they actually are.

Maybe I’m missing that the goal of all of this anti-racism stuff is that it’s not UU directed, it’s directed towards society and societal structures.  Cause I certainly agree there are racists out there (come on, I grew up in South GA.  Not an idiot.) So, if the point of the anti-racist stuff is to change American society, then I can see the value in it.  But I’m working under the impression that the anti-racist stuff is directed inward at Unitarian Universalism, and once again, I just don’t see racism in our congregations.  I see ageism all over the place.  I see classism.  I just don’t see racism.

So I don’t get it.  I see the need for anti-Classist stuff, anti-Ageist stuff, Multicultural stuff, but just not the anti-racist stuff.  What am I missing?  Let me know.  Tell me what to read.  Tell me what to watch.  Because if this is a problem, then it ought to be addressed.  I’m just seeing it as an invented problem right now that just gets too much of our focus as a denomination as opposed to what I think is the most alarming issue – ageism (and expect some posts on this one soon.)

There’s a huge push of this within Youth Ministry.  But if we’re actually doing what we’re supposed to, teaching and living up to the first principle and seeing the Inherent Worth and Dignity of Every Person, then is all of this even needed?  Maybe we should just lump all of this into some broad, overarching First Principle Project.

With an open mind and an open heart,

Kinsi

A Unitarian’s take on Avatar

So I had yesterday off, and felt like I deserved a treat, so I went down and saw Avatar in 3d.  First off, from a technical standpoint, it was pretty amazing.  The 3d was much better than I expected, and I can’t even begin to imagine the technical intricacies of putting that world together.  Although I, unlike the Golden Globes, don’t think its exactly Best Drama worthy, it was still an enjoyable movie.  As I walked out the theater, I thought it was nice but wouldn’t see it another time, but the more I think about it the more I might end up going to see it twice.  I might go check it out in imax 3d this time.  There are a few things that have kept with me since yesterday, which to me is a hallmark of a good movie.

A few things popped in my mind.  If you haven’t seen Avatar but plan to, I suggest you skip the rests of this post!  I’ll put the rest below the jump…