I need to be more intentional about being a role model.

I first need to get over some hang-ups I have with that term, “role model.”  I’ve hated the term for as long as I can remember.  When I was in high school, for example, the one question I dreaded while being interviewed for scholarships was about who my role model was.  I always made up a different answer each time, because I never truly had one nor wanted one.  I never really had some kind of moral teacher growing up, and I never wanted to become like a different person.  I just always wanted to be my best self, to work on fixing myself, work on, well, refining out my own self-diagnosed impurities.  I’ve never been a fan of the idea of role model, because I want my students, the youth in my youth group, to grow up and be their own person and make their own path.  To rely on their own self worth, their own self-determination to become the best person they can be.  It’s also far too easy to idealize your role model and make them somehow into a perfect person on a pedestal without acknowledging their flaws.

Of course, I also can’t project my own misgivings about the role model term on the youth I’m advising at UUCA.  Just because I’m not a fan of the whole idea of role models doesn’t mean that they don’t have role models, or even see me as one.

And that’s been driven home as a result of this weekend’s YAC retreat.

The term might now have ever been said, but it was heavily implied.  I posted earlier about the youth who came up to be about being different and how I helped her accept who she was.  That blew my mind.  There’s another instance where I’m realizing that just by being who I am, and caring about my youth, that they are seeing me as some kind of role model or mentor.  It’s just a little joke – at one point in a discussion, a big handful of people, both youth and other advisors, were actively asking what I thought about some idea.  I was caught off guard, because I see myself as equal, my opinions have equal weight as theirs.  I asked, “What is this?  What would [kinsi] do?  Are we going to start making bracelets that say WW[k]D?”  Well, sure enough, when I get back home and wake up from a nap, I see all of the youth and even a handful of the advisors have updated their facebook status to “What Would [kinsi] Do?”  I know its light hearted, and I also know its flattering, but part of me is a little, well, weirded out by it.

Yes, I know I have plenty of issues when I get complements.  But this isn’t because of that.

Its because these youth are seeing me as a moral teacher, even, dare I say, as a role model.  I’ve never been intentional about this – I’ve just been myself, and tried to get the youth to think about things and really discover who they are and the best person they can be.  It’s never been a conscious, intentional thing with me.  It’s just who I am.

But I think I need to start being more intentional about this, because whether I like it or not, my youth are seeing me as some sort of role model, some sort of moral teacher.  To me, that’s taking the word advising to a different level.  I’ve always seen myself as an advisor who is there to make sure the kids have fun while they discover who they are.  But I’ve never really intentionally thought about the, well, morals and values that I’m imparting.  And that is partly freaking me out (because come on, can’t they do better than me, but that’s also my whole compliment/self-esteem issue coming into play) but it’s something that now that I’ve realized its happening, it’s something I need to make sure I do right.

I’m doing a pretty good job of it, apparently, but just being who I am and what we did last year.  But there’s just something in me that’s telling me I need to be more intentional about this.  Do more reading and training.  Be more aware of it happening during retreats, lockins, classes, facebook, etc.  I can’t lose who I am, because the youth will realize if I’m faking it and I want to show you can be who you are.  But I just need to be more intentional about this.

Now I have to think about how I’m going to do this.