Rally at the Eagle was amazing

Just a quickie post – I’ll post a long one tomorrow.

Amazing rally today down at the Eagle.  There was probably around 4-500 people there, with 30 folks from UUCA and a couple from UUMAN.  Rev. Keller mentioned from the pulpit during both services about the rally, and to stop by the Interweave table to find out more.  A good fiveish people came from just hearing about it at the service.  I hit up all my UU buddies on facebook, the interweave group, the 20s/30s group, etc., trying to get people to come, and so many did from our group.  Rev. David showed up, collar and all (I was worried there for a moment we became Catholic) and he was invited to go up and speak (and he did so, and it was great.)

It was just…amazing…standing in that crowd, holding up the huge signs I made, all Standing on the Side of Love themed.  I whipped together six of them today after the service but before the rally, all on the orange colored posterboard.  (I felt like a rabid UT fan buying those at Sam Flax art store today, but the color does stand out.)  I’m sure folks will be seeing pictures of these soon – One of the other attendees, I believe, is writing up a post for the Standing On The Side Of Love Campaign folk.  I’ve already done my part there.  If you look around hard enough, you can find some photos of these signs up already.

I’ll post more coherent thoughts tomorrow.  It was just pretty awesome to be there tonight.

Why I love my faith.

My minister plans on going to join us at the rally tomorrow.

I have fear in my heart tonight.

I have fear in my heart right now, due to the Atlanta police department and their stonewallesque raid on the eagle last night.  I feel less safe because of the apd, who’d rather crack down on us queers rather than people murdering and mugging college students five miles away.  What is that?  Do I deserve to be hunted worse than a murderer because I like boys and not girls?

I went down to the eagle, and people are rightfully pissed.  They want to stand up.  But there’s an undercurrent of fear in everyone right now.  Honest to god, not to make light, but I feel as though I’ve been a victim of terrorism.  I feel some of the same thoughts as I did eight years ago today.  Am I safe?  Will I be able to live my life free from fear again?  How could it happen here?  What did we do to deserve this?  What can I do about it?

And to think the police did it this time.

I feel fear tonight.
I feel outrage tonight.

Neither good.  Neither do I like feeling.  Its easy to want the outrage to win out.  Anger over fear.  There’s not much worse than fear.  But anger can be worse to me.

There is no forgiveness in my heart right now and that makes me even angrier.  There is no understanding in my heart right now and that makes me even angrier.

I’ve never been to the eagle before tonight.  I’ve neglected the gay side of me for too long, letting the corporate side of me dominate my life.  No more.

For those unsure what I’m talking about, google “eagle atlanta police” and check out the news stories.

Sorry for lack of posts!

Things are just fine here in Kinsi world. I’ve been diving more into the political world as of late, and started up a political blog with a friend over at http://perimeterprogressive.wordpress.com – i’ll still post over here for the spiritual stuff.

And I gotta say, I’ve been doing the political blog for 2 weeks and have already been offered 2 tickets to go see John Oliver from the Daily Show at Punchline Atlanta. How freakin’ cool is that?!? Woohoo!

Things are better

For those concerned,

Things are much better, with the help of church and a friend from church.  Although I’m struggling to find a better way of saying “thank you” as those two words just don’t seem strong enough.  Although life won’t be the same, I’ll be a better person coming out of this thanks to she-who-shall-remain-nameless.  So life won’t be the same…but it’s going to be an improvement.

I’ll have learned a lot from this week.  As she-who-shall-remain-nameless told me on the phone, your times of deepest pain are the most meaningful times you grow.  If only I can somehow convince my heart of that.  And she even got me to laugh for the first time this week.

So, although details will probably never be posted, rest assured no one died and I’m healthy.  And I’m going to take steps to get back on the beaten path.

I might have found God as a last resort.

Things are better today than yesterday.  What looked to be a particuarly hopeless situation has some glimmers in there.  Which is good…yesterday my thoughts drifted places they hadn’t in a long time.

Last night when I got home from work, I grabbed a bottle of wine.  But before I could get the cork off, I was already crying.  I found myself feeling pretty hopeless, and I did something I didn’t expect I would – I prayed.  To god.  To God with a capital G.  I won’t get into details of what I prayed about, because I still don’t feel comfortable talking about it.  I muttered my thoughts, my desperations, and my flaws.  I asked for help, for guidance.  I don’t even remember everything I prayed in retrospect. But I prayed.

I eventually stopped crying and went to bed, after chatting with some folks online just to get my mind off me for a few minutes.

Today, that little glimmer of hope and help came, and something that seemed unsurmountable might just have been made surmountable.  There’s still work to do, but now I can see the path whereas before I was lost in the dark forest of despair.  I can see some milestones ahead in the distance to get me out of here.

I don’t know if God listened or not.  But before, instead of just getting so fustrated with myself  and as a result breaking down, I kept it together.  And part of me is scared to admit that another part of me is chalking that up to something divine.

Today is Mardi Gras, the day before Lent.  I’ve decided to honor Lent this year.  And instead of giving up something on the periphery, I’m giving up something that’s become a part of me – diet coke.  On a daily basis, I must drink about a 2-liter of diet coke.  Thats right, 2 liters of diet coke daily.  So, I’m going to do my best, to show some strength in a time where I feel like I have none.

Wow. Go Iceland. A huge GLBTQ moment.

Iceland has a pretty crappy 2008, with the near bankrupcy of the government.  But I’ve got to say I think that there is at least one bright spot to come out of the terrible, terrible financial problems the country is having.

They have the first openly gay head of government of modern times with newly elected Prime Minister Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir, a lesbian who has a civil union with her partner.  That’s just freakin’ awesome and extremely inspirational.  Wow!

I take back the asterix

As UUCA (Atlanta) has surpassed UU Dallas as the largest congregational presence on facebook.

*starts to strut*

As of just this second, UUCA has a whopping 207 members in our facebook group!

*struts*

maybe I should get back into this

Ok, I think I want to get back into this blog after a few month self-imposed exile. hmm.

and now disgust

From the Knoxville News Sentinel:

The shotgun-wielding suspect in Sunday’s mass shooting at the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church planned to shoot until police shot him, Knoxville Police Chief Sterling P. Owen IV said this morning.

Jim D. Adkisson, 58, of Powell wrote a four-page letter in which he described his feelings and why he committed the shooting, Owen said.

Adkisson said he was frustrated about not being able to obtain a job and how much he hated the liberal movement, Owen said.

So it looks like he went there because he hates the liberal movement.  Which sounds like TVUU was just a convenient target for him.  Now, in addition to all of the other emotions I’m feeling, I can add disgust in.