Gmail Giggles

Ok, so those of us who use gmail have already learned to tune out those ads.”Sponsored Links” that appear.  But I was re-reading an email today about a church lay leadership retreat, and this was the ad at the top of the screen -

“Free Menstruation Diary – www.MyMonthlyCycles.com – Complete menstrual cycle tracking. Plus period alerts, calculator”

So.  Does this mean that church leaders are always PMS’ing?  That the church lay leadership is cyclical like a period?  That we’re all due to have cranky spots?    Give me your reason down there in the comments!

A true question from tutoring

This is an actual question asked to me Saturday while tutoring a student in chemistry. This might be the weirdest question I’ve ever had from a student (although I’ve had some doozies.)

“So, if I didn’t drink the toilet bowl cleaner and just ate the soap, would I still be ok?”

Dearest Apartment Complex,

I really do appreciate your quick response time on my air conditioner problem. You certainly fixed the lack of cool air, and you “replaced filter, repaired thermostat, and cleaned condi coils” whatever that means. I didn’t even know my thermostat was broken!

But, just two minor points. It’s 55 outside right now. When I walked into my apartment, it was colder than outside. You need not to make the apartment frigid to prove the AC works.

The other is that you went a tad too far on the thermostat. It’s set at 70 right now (see, I like it a little cool) and it just kicked on. But it’s still colder in my apartment than outside. So I think you slightly overdid the thermostat fixing.

I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but what in the hell?

-kinsi

A Pollen Carol – It’s The Most Disgusting Time of the Year

For those not living in the Atlanta metro area….be glad. It hasn’t rained in weeks, and everything is covered in yellow. Pollen yellow. It’s officially disgusting. I’ll try to get some photos up (as soon as I find my camera cord) so those not down here can see how truly revolting it is. You just can’t imagine how bad and how gross it is.

So, in celebration, I present “It’s The Most Disgusting Time of the Year – A Pollen Carol.” [Sung to the tune of "Its the most wonderful time of the year." Written by yours truly.]

It’s the most disgusting time of the year,
With the record pollen counts
and everyone shouts because no rain is near!
It’s the most disgusting time of the year.

Its the yuck, yuckiest season of all,
With cars covered in yellow and roads drenched in yellow,
And friends start to bawl.
Its the yuck, yuckiest season of all.

There’ll be Kleenex for sneezing,
some drugs for the wheezing,
for allergies all on the go.
There’ll be pills for the popping
for eyes that are sopping,
but nothing for all the yellow!

Its the most disgusting time of the year.
There’ll be blankets of yellow, and everywhere yellow,
and eyes start to tear!
It’s the most disgusting time of the year!

Kinsi’s Kids Say the Darndest Things – # 1

Cuteness from Work

Eric, a cute little fourth grader who will tell me how the world works:
Kinsi: “I just bought the candy at the drug store, so it’s fine.”
Eric: “It’s drug store candy?  I can’t eat drug store candy.”
Kinsi: “Uh, why not?”
Eric: “It has drugs in it!  I can’t eat drugs.”
<Eric throws the candy back in the candy bowl and sits back down.>
Kinsi: “I’m pretty sure the candy at the drug store doesn’t have drugs in it Eric.”
Eric: “Yes it does.”

Later we were working on a word problem that involved a tennis tournament:
Eric: “Did they play all of those games in one day?”
Kinsi: “Well, I’d imagine they played the tournament over the whole weekend.”
Eric: “Oh. But did they sleep there?”
Kinsi, slightly confused at this point: “On the court?”
Eric: “Yes!”
Kinsi: “They probably stayed in a hotel.”
Eric: “Oh.  That makes sense.”
Kinsi: “Ok”
Eric: “So, do they sleep with their opponents before the match?”
<insert Kinsi desperately trying to not burst out laughing>
Kinsi: “They probably have different rooms.”
Eric: “Oh.  Ok.”
<Eric gets back to work.  Kinsi excuses himself to go giggle uncontrollably with the other teacher there in the back.>

Not so cute, but funny.  Another student, lets call her Cindi:
Kinsi: I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
Cindi: When I was little, I wanted to be a Vegas showgirl.
Kinsi: A what?!?
Cindi: You know, a Vegas showgirl, with the huge feathered hats.  But then I found out they were all prostitutes.

And presenting the stupidest physics problem I’ve seen in a while -
“A snugly fitting steel pipe circling the world would stand about 64 meters off the ground if its temperature were increased by 1 degree C.  What would be the result if the pipe were instead cooled by 1 degree C.”