To Whom it May Concern – a Church Vent

To Whom it May Concern:

I got to church yesterday at 6:00p.m. and left at 12:00noon today.  I was there all night for the kick off middle school lock-in, with about 10 middle schoolers than I was expecting (29 were there.)  After dealing with a rather difficult 30-40 minutes trying to berate the kids to bed, and dealing with which advisor sleeps where since we were sort on female advisors, I got about 3 hours of sleep on the floor on top of my sleeping bag, waking up to clean up the place with my middle schoolers.  Immediately after this, I was the lead greeter/usher for the first, Ingathering service, my it was my first time being a lead greeter/usher…and I know I could have done such a better job than I did and I was getting stressed because of that.

Just a little background.

I didn’t appreciate it when you came up to me while I was lead greeting trying to coordinate volunteers who hadn’t ever greeted/ushered before, and trying to get everything perfect, people welcomed, to the kick off to the church year to talk about non-greeting-related-things.  I especially didn’t appreciate it when you wanted to talk for a few minutes.  And when you started laying in to me about how if I don’t attend a meeting THAT I CAN’T MAKE BECAUSE I HAVE A JOB THAT’S NOT NINE TO FUCKING FIVE that our group is going to lose “official status” which right then, and now frankly, I could care less about since I was in the middle of doing something more important than that conversation, I get a little f’n annoyed.  And although I can send someone else to the meeting if I want….if this is the damn attitude I’m going to get then why bother, and also these people have jobs/school as well they need to take care of.  I went through this bs before with a prior minister and we went “unofficial” for a year…and yet somehow we doubled in size during that period.  And, I *am* pretty sure I know what I’m doing, since I started one of these two years ago which started off with one group, and now has cleaved and cleaved into what’s about to be 4 groups.  You KNOW I can’t make these meetings, you even mentioned that.  I am getting tired of this church when I’m guilted for missing things because I don’t work a 9 to 5 job.  

I *almost* started yelling right in the middle of the greeting area for you to get off my back.  I’m pretty proud of myself that I didn’t.

So next time, please come off less confrontational, because you’ve got me questioning if I want to bother leading an “official group” when I have to deal with crap like this.  And if the policy is “you have to attend this meeting, or else” then that policy just plumb has to change.  Shockingly enough, it’s not the 1950s anymore – we don’t have to attend a meeting for everything.  We have technology that should be letting us evolve past the meeting-or-else philosophy.  Our church needs to evolve past this, because I know I’m not the only one who can’t make weeknight meetings and yet I too have worthwhile ideas to contribute.  How about we do the training at 10:00am?  That works great for me.  Or how about 11:00pm?  Those sound undoable to you probably – so does a 7:00 meeting for me.

And, golly gee, why is it I feel like a year ago I went through this already? 

A vent about church feeling like work

Ok, so after having one of the longer work weeks in recent memory, I don’t want church to become work.  So after the 50 emails back and forth about changing the name of our 20s/30s group or dealing with the structure, I’m really not in the damn mood to be nagged about 3 emails not making it on the list within your designated time reference.

So you’re probably on the phone with others wondering what the hell is wrong with me.  Well, how about first of all asking how my day is going or how I’m feeling instead of immediately launching into nagging about the email list.

I don’t need anymore stress in my life.  When church gets to the point of work and they are both stressing the hell out of me, I think I’ll stick with the one that pays my bills.

Ok. So I’m noticing a generation x vs. millienal conflict at work

I work with someone who could be the textbook stereotype of a Gen X’er.  And she’s annoying the hell out of me right now at work.  She just doesn’t take work as seriously as I do – she comes in late, calls out with 15 minutes warning (which is the most stressful thing imaginable at my job, especially when *I* have to deal with it) and when she’s not teaching she’s on the Internet looking for jobs, for either herself or her latest boy…or she’s on the phone dealing with her financial drama for half an hour…or spending hours reading webpages trying to find age-appropriate articles…or checking her email since the internet at her apartment she can’t afford got shut off.  Today she complained in a rather passive-aggressive way that she had a kid to teach for the first session and I didn’t.  Gee!  It’s only like that in reverse every single day, and since she called out and this was one of her kids from when she missed…well duh she’s going to have her.  She complains her students get moved, but she spent over 30 minutes doing a word search with two of her kids today, a third grader and a high school junior – we do actually need to tutor and not just babysit sometimes.

Not to mention anything electronic that she touches will ultimately stop working.  I don’t know how she does it.  I leave the computer, she gets on, and somehow the wireless Internet modem thingie stops working and will not start working again.  She clamors that the copy machine’s start button is stuck or something, and she “even tried unplugging it” and it wont work.  I remember when this happened a month ago (while I was gone training nonetheless) and when I walked in she and the other teacher were complaining about the broken copier.  IT WAS OUT OF PAPER.  IT SAID SO ON THE DAMN COPY MACHINE- “Load Paper.” in a very polite manner at the top of the copy screen.  So I asked her while she went to the printer/fax thing if it was out of paper.  “No – I checked.”  So I go back there, determined to figure out whats wrong since as the designated male I am responsible for fixing anything broken, despite my lack of electronic knowledge.  And sure enough, it says “Load paper.”  I get kinda ticked off for the rather blatant lying and lack of literacy from an English teacher, and start to walk back to my desk declaring “It says load paper.  It’s out of paper.  See!  It says it right there on the copier.”  She doesn’t believe me – I point it out and then she checks the paper tray just to make sure, and alas, no paper.  She loads some and magically the copy machine starts to work.  Wow.  What great technical know-how I have.

Ok.  So that was a little bitchy rant, but if I blog it out I’ll stop obsessing about it.

It aggravates me when somebody doesn’t take something as seriously as I take it, especially when it’s a job.  There are others that take the job extremely seriously, but she’s the one who gets the teaching hours before the others…which just ain’t right.  I’m friendly with said coworker, and would be friends with outside of the job, but she’s just flaky on the job.  I can separate job and friend fairly well, but I don’t think she’d be able to.

I realize that this is something I’ll have to deal with in the workplace – but she’s asking for a raise.  And I’m about to be put into a “management”-ish role.  I don’t know how I’ll approach that situation if it arises – I certainly hope I’m not put in the position to.

And on a completely unrelated note – Florida beat Ohio State (quelle surprise) for the NCAA basketball tourney.  Same result for the BCS champion.  Would anyone else like to see somebody different and want to somehow see anti-trust allegations alleged against Florida and Ohio State?

This is turning out to be one ugly week

I apparently need to warn now when I’m venting without expectation.  SO here we go-

This is turning out to be one ugly week.  I feel completely exhausted – mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.  I’m starting to feel overwhelmed by everything, like I’ve been dog paddling in the deep end for ages and just don’t want to keep going, and it’s not a pleasant feeling.

Work is now having me work an extra hour a day so I can help train new folks.  Well.  That would be wonderful.  If they would bother paying me for it.  Alas, we now add an extra hour and a massive headache on top of an already crumbling Kinsi and it makes him exhausted.  With an hour to of, my butt is dragging at work.  I had to live off chocolate-covered espresso beans.

All I could think about today was a hamburger.  I had to drive half an hour in the middle of the work day to make it from where I was training in how to train and I hadn’t had lunch.  I passed by so many delicious looking fast food hamburger restaurants.  I instead went to Blimpe, where I just had a god awful sub.

I mean, it really stunk.

I usually go to Publix for subs, which I love, but due to time couldn’t make it since I had 20 minutes to get lunch, eat it, and make it back to my normal location so I could get ready for my normal day.  And I was really annoyed that the sub sucked when I passed by so many delicious-looking hamburgers.  Weight Watchers sucks and this week sucked on WW.  Who cares if I die by the time I’m 39 and I never get a man because I’m a fat-ass.  I could have had a hamburger today and passed it up.  I don’t think I’ll go to WW this week – I’m freaking exhausted and need the sleep Friday morning since I doubt I’ll get much sleep this weekend.

Luckily the kiddos at work were great, and I left in a somewhat good mood, although I’m really, really worried about one of the kids I had tonight.  Her parents are going through a god-awful divorce and it breaks my heart to see how much pain she’s in.

Church stuff is just wearing me out too, and this weekend is just going to zap all of my energy – I’m spending several nights at church to supervise these kiddos coming in from out of town for the big convocation the church is having.  So I’m spending all weekend there pretty much.  Joy.  I really hope I don’t have some hella-burn out afterwards.  I’ve gotta lead small group this weekend too, due to unforeseen circumstances beyond any sort of control on my part, and have no clue what I’m doing for that.  And to top if all off, I questioned whether my church is the right place for me, for the first time ever.  And I still don’t know what I think about that.

Being Liberal in East Cobb County

East Cobb County, Georgia. One of the wealthiest parts of Georgia. Newt Gengrich’s old Congressional District. Ralph Reed’s base of support for the Lt. Governor’s race. McMansion paradise – new ones are constantly being built wherever you drive. A conservative politican’s wet dream, and its where I both work and live.

Sometimes it’s not easy being liberal in East Cobb.

Ok. A lot of the time it’s not easy being liberal in East Cobb.

Example – My Weight Watchers meeting on a typical Friday in January. The person in front of me, lets call her Barbara, is talking about how her daughter is a columnist for the Marietta Daily Journal to another old lady, lets call her Lynne. Here’s an approximation of the conversation -

Lynne: I love your daughter’s columns!
Barbara: Well, they can be a little controversial sometimes. People either love her or hate her.
Lynne: I bet she gets a lot of letters from those liberals.
Barbara: <laughter>
Lynne: I’m serious, they don’t know what’s right.

Then other people chime in about liberals. And there I sit, partly dumbfounded this conversation is happening in my f’n Weight Watchers meeting, partly pissed off because I had a bad weigh in, and about to pass out from, well, waking up too early. This wasn’t the GOP county housewife’s meeting, (although it coulda been), it was a Weight Watcher meeting. [Out of respect to my meeting leader, she wasn't in the room for this conversation.] That’s just a typical conversation in East Cobb.

I was sure to let Lynne see me on the way out, and backed up so she could read my wacky liberal bumper stickers before hightailing it back home.

Another conversation from a few weeks ago at my Weight Watchers meeting revolved around Rosie vs. Donald, and how sorry they felt for Donald since Rosie was out to get him. “But that’s how those lesbians are.” I almost walked out after that comment.

I certainly do wish that I lived in a more progressive part of town – like by UUCA, for example. But it’s impossible and impractical. Impossible because of money – for some unknown reason, I live in probably the cheapest apartment complex out of anybody I know and its still a very nice apartment, safe neighborhood, etc. Impractical because I work in even more east cobb than where I live. So for the foreseeable future, I’m stuck here. So to all the people who suggest I move, I suggest you pay me, then I’ll think about it.

Until then, though, I’ll be the most liberal person in this county. When I move I bet the per-capital-progressivism will diminish greatly. I know there are Democrats in east cobb, heck, even a few liberals too. But we’re drowned out by the mass of conservatism that haunts the county everywhere you turn.

I hate buttered popcorn, therefore I should starve.

Dear Delk Road Publix, Orville Reddenabcher, and Popsecret,

I finally have a microwave, thanks to my awesome friend P-cat who renovated and I got his old one.  So I went to get some microwavable popcorn to enjoy with the first two disks of Oz that I had just rented.  After reaching your microwavable popcorn section, I spent a good 10 minutes trying to find the right popcorn for me.

See, I wanted microwavable popcorn that with no butter.  And No Kettle Corn either.  Or cheesecorn.  See, I’m on Weight Watchers, and wanted a somewhat healthy alternative.

All my life I hated buttered popcorn, and I still do.  But when I was a litlte kid, I don’t remember having trouble finding butter-free popcorn.

At your store you had butter, heavy butter, light butter, fake butter, kettle, light kettle, cheese, white cheese, cheddar, “natural” (where I thought I had finally won, but it said natural butter), “homestyle” (with homestyle butter), and pretty much every other combination known to mankind.

It took me 10 minutes to find the 2 boxes of Publix Brand butter free popcorn (at least, I think it was butter free) and three boxes of Black Jewel natural no buttered popcornthat was twice as expensive as the other boxes.  Imagine – popcorn without stuff actually costs more.

So, dear companies, I ask you to not only start making butter free, everything free popcorn again, but to also start advertising it on the boxes, in big, clear graphics “No Butter.”  I would certainly buy them, and I hope and doubt that I’m not the only one out there who hates butter popcorn.

Thank you in advance for correcting this ridiculous development,

Me.

Argh I feel like a damn failure!

Argh!  I feel like a failure.

I’ve had an annoying past 24 hours, and its making me feel like a failure.  And it pisses me off that I let myself feel like this when it’s not really anything that serious.

Yesterday at work I just sucked.  I’m a tutor, and I felt completely stupid and worthless with a couple of kids.  I was constantly behind, playing catch up the whole day.  I’m a tutor – stupid tutors aren’t good, and when this tutor tutor feels completely stupid then its like I’m not good at my job.  My first block had a calculus student doing integration (no problem there actually), a cute-as-a-button-4th grader I like working with because he tells me how life should be, and a senior I’ve worked with forever and likes working with me.  This is the senior that started the feelings of complete and total failure-rific inadequacy I feel.

The first question she asked, and the first question of my day, involved centripetal acceleration, going around a curve of r radius, weighing m kilograms.  The road is slippery and the coefficient of kinetic friction is only .5.  The road is banked at a 6 degree angle.  Will it skid?

Here those crickets?  Thats the sound that was in my head during this too.  I barley remember covering this in my AP Physics class 7 years ago, and all I remember is that I didn’t get it then.  The physics book I had was completely worthless, and I couldn’t escape to google how to do it due to the 4th grader there.  Ugh.

The rest of the day was like that.  I had mostly schoolwork kids, three calculus students, and I felt kinda overwhelmed at one point.  During the last session I had a kid who is either just stupid or is faking it or some combination of both; i hate working with this kid…he annoys me.  One teacher sent over a kid to my table for help with schoolwork math, when it was something i had taught him how to do like, 6 months ago.  I got kinda ticked – It aggravates me when I spent a month teaching how to do one specific kind of word problem then a couple of months later its completely forgotten.  Makes me feel worthless.

THEN TODAY at Weight Watchers I utterly failed life.

Ok.  Not that serious.  But still!  I needed to lose .8 pounds last week to make it to -25 since Dec. 1st.  I knew it was going to happen.  WELL IT DIDN’T.  I only lost .4 pounds.  What the hell is up with that.  Now I know a lot of people have told me that “oh, you did so great in the past, one off week isok and perfectly normal” or “better than gaining that much, eh?”  Well screw all of you who think that and want to tell me that.  That is just not the right thing to say to me when I’m pissed off at myself for eating too much pizza on Wednesday, drinking too much last weekend, not working out, etc. etc.  But if someone tells me that I need to shape up, or I dropped the ball last week (thank you mother) then I get pissed off too.  I’m just pissed off.  I don’t expect anyone to make it better unless they want to buy melipo.  Nothing can really be said to console someone who is irrationally angry.

To my old lady posse who sits in the WW meetings with me – next time when I lose .4 f’n pounds, please don’t console me with my past victories.  That makes me feel any worse.  Is there any reason why the only thing I said at the meeting after that was a biting sarcastic remark about not needing to worry about putting my makeup back on after I finish working out?

So now I feel like a stupid fat failure.  Just wonderful.

I’m going into work on my day off, to be nice.  For free.  I’m not getting paid for this.  I do a day before the big scary standardized test review session, and its today.  Those kids better be nice to me or risk a big stupid fat guy going postal on them.

End rant.

Family Drama

Warning – family rant ahead

So whats going on with my family.

It starts off with my dad dieing when I was 10. He didn’t have any brothers or sisters, so suddenly I was the oldest living male in the family. At 10! I’ve never been close with my dad’s side of the family, sort of what I call “family in name only.”

My grandma (dad’s mom) has this lady who takes care of her, Caroline. They all live in farm country, Indiana. Well, people are getting suspicious of Caroline’s motives, and worried she’s after my grandma’s money, property and everything. I’ve met Caroline about 5 times and its pretty nice – she takes my grandma were she needs to go, etc. My grandma’s currently in a nursing home, recuperating from either surgery or an Alzheimer’s attack. I’m not quite sure, because it was never made clear to me (which is off in of itself – the only blood relatives left in this side of the family are me and my older sister.)

Well, yesterday the people who rent the family farm (yes, I’ve apparently got a family farm) called my mom’s house and talking about their concerns about Caroline. This is the second time such things have filtered down.

So now this is in the process of getting dumped in my lap, trying to figure out what the heck is going on in rural Indiana, dealing with like, inheritance issues when I’m a 24 year old guy. All because I’m the “man of the family.” Well, I delegated it to my 4 year old sister, who is calling around today. She’s under the impression we’re just going to have to go up there at some point.

What complicates matters further – I could care less about money or the things in her house. My sister’s pretty much under the same impression. My mother, however, is not, and acknowledges that we dont care about money (although she clearly doesnt understand why) but is concernced with things we should have the antiques in there (which, I could care less about.) To be honest, this is a side of the family I checked out on a long time ago. That sounds horrible to say. But this side of the family has never been there for me, and they’re practically more like strangers than anything else.

And as a side note, I had a pretty rough childhood – I had to be the grown up when my sister and mom would fight when I was in middle school and play little mister mediator. And it stunk. I never felt like I got to be a typical teenager. And its just unfair I have to deal with this now, instead of being a typical 24 year old.

End rant.

I just had to get that off my chest.

Grrr

Sometimes there’s nothing worse in life than waking up naturally at 7:30 on your damn day off and unable to get back to sleep.

Oh, and Georgia Natural Gas? Go to hell.

Love, A Kranky Kinsi

It’s Banned Book Week!!

Thanks to The Happy Feminist and CUUMBAYA for poitning out Banned Book week. The group behind Banned Books Week is the ALA – although it more accuratley should be called “Challenged Books Week” “Banned Books Week” rolls off the tounge easier.

Down here in the Atlanta Metro area, more specifically Gwinnett County, a lady (no doubt supported by some group) wanted to get rid of the Harry Potter books in school libraries because of the referenced to witchcraft and wizardry. I’m sure every kid who reads Harry Potter grows up to be a wiccian. If a kid changed his religion because of Harry Potter, yes I’d be worried about the kid but I wouldn’t blame the books for it – I’d blame whatever religion the kid used to be that caused him to see hope and more answers in Harry Potter than their religion.

There are some interesting tidbits on that ALA website – like this, the most often occuring reasons for Challenges:

Between 1990 and 2000, of the 6,364 challenges reported to or recorded by the Office for Intellectual Freedom (see The 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books):

 

• 1,607 were challenges to “sexually explicit” material (up 161 since 1999);
• 1,427 to material considered to use “offensive language”; (up 165 since 1999)
• 1,256 to material considered “unsuited to age group”; (up 89 since 1999)
• 842 to material with an “occult theme or promoting the occult or Satanism,”; (up 69 since 1999)
• 737 to material considered to be “violent”; (up 107 since 1999)
• 515 to material with a homosexual theme or “promoting homosexuality,” (up 18 since 1999) and
• 419 to material “promoting a religious viewpoint.” (up 22 since 1999)

Other reasons for challenges included “nudity” (317 challenges, up 20 since 1999), “racism” (267 challenges, up 22 since 1999), “sex education” (224 challenges, up 7 since 1999), and “anti-family” (202 challenges, up 9 since 1999).

419 challenges for “promoting a religious view point.” So, how much do you want to bet that books promoting Christianity weren’t challenge much but it was books “promoting” other religions.

I was also looked at the lists of most popular books banend or challenged. One of my faviorte books, Flowers for Algernon, has been challenged more than the Anarchist’s Cookbook.  I’ve read a lot of them, but I’ve still have some literary subversion to go!  I